I was born 936 weeks ago today.
I'm not saying today is my birthday. It's not. But I was born 936 weeks ago. Meaning I was born on a Saturday. (We good?)
Apparently it was snowing the day I was born. It was the first snow of the winter of 1992. My grandfather drove all the way from Charlotte, North Carolina to Ohio in the snow.
I have this thing for snow. I love it. I absolutely despise bitterly cold temperatures, but I adore snow. Sometimes when it's snowing, I sit on the top of my washing machine for extended periods of time and watch out the laundry room window out into the backyard. Everything is just so pretty when it snows.
There's an episode of 'Gilmore Girls' where Lorelai goes on and on about how she loves snow. I think this pretty much sums everything up:
"It's just my favorite time of the year. The whole world changes color. Flakes, flurries, swirls, crystals, whatever form it comes in. I'll take it. We go back, snow and me. We have a beautiful history. Sleigh rides, ice skating, snowball fights. I'll even take curling. God, I love curling! Hot cocoa, hot toddies. Best time of the year!"
Snow just gives everything a whole new light. It refreshes the world and my perspective on it. Watching those spastic little flurries brings me indescribable joy.
It's snowing today for the second time this season. I feel this is totally appropriate, given the fact that I was born 936 weeks ago today. I feel like it's snowing just for me. And I know that's selfish and completely untrue. But just let me have it. Please.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
New Record
Can we please talk about how I somehow managed to piss off four people I love in the span of 3 days?
SUPER.
Bet that's a new record.
On the bright side, I've found that I get pretty funny when I'm bitter/angsty. Which is cool.
SUPER.
Bet that's a new record.
On the bright side, I've found that I get pretty funny when I'm bitter/angsty. Which is cool.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Ten Artists
This is another one of those things I saw on Tumblr and thought, hm, looks like fun. So here you go. YOU SHOULD DO THIS ONE.
List 10 artists you like before answering the questions below.
1. Sara Bareilles
2. Idina Menzel
3. Ingrid Michaelson
4. Bess Rogers
5. Allie Moss
6. Jenny Owen Youngs
7. Kate Nash
8. The Wombats
9. Lily Allen
10. Vanessa Carlton
What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Probably “Last Person.” Dear God, I love that song.
What is your favourite song of 8?
"Let’s Dance to Joy Division."
What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
I adore her. I kind of want her to be my big sister. She’s actually the reason why I like Ingrid Michaelson, who is basically who I want to be when I grow up. I was on a huge Sara B. kick when I found “Winter Song,” so I started looking at Ingrid’s stuff, and fell absolutely in love. I love Sara’s lyrics and voice and mad piano skills and her hilarious sense of humor and genuine love for her fans. I love following her on Twitter. She’s adorable. And her new CD is KICK-ASS.
What are your favorite lyrics of 5?
“And I won’t lie to you, love. I’m not okay. I’ve already spent too much time hiding that.”
How many times have you seen 4 live?
Once, actually, but it was before I was in love with her stuff. And it wasn’t actually her. She was with Ingrid, but she was still awesome, especially when she hit her head and everyone laughed.
What is your favorite song by 7?
Probably “Skeleton Song.” It’s so weird and catchy.
Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
Two of them make me cry almost every time I listen to them. “Porcelain Fists” and “Keep Breathing.” They absolutely rip my heart out of my chest.
What is your favorite song by 9?
“The Fear.” I roll all my windows down in my car and blast it and sing along really loudly to it.
When did you first get into 2?
When I discovered ‘Wicked.’ I had this MAJOR ‘Wicked’ phase in 7th and 8th grades. I would literally come home, do homework, and just listen to ‘Wicked’ until I fell asleep. My ‘Wicked’ phase transitioned rather quickly into my ‘Rent’ phase, and I was just like, “Holy shit, I want to be her.” Then her album “I Stand” came out, and I was just completely obsessed with her, and then I saw her in concert and it was amazing.
How did you get into 3?
INGRID MICHAELSON IS MY SOUL TWIN. I first discovered her when “The Way I Am” was in that Old Navy commercial. Then “Far Away” came up on my Pandora, and then I discovered “Winter Song.” Then, in January, I was in Charlotte visiting my grandparents, and I was , for some reason, having a really hard time being away from everybody, and so I started listening to her stuff on YouTube, and I was just completely enamored with it, so as soon as I got home, I went to Best Buy, bought ‘Girls and Boys,’ and ‘Be OK’ and then I got ‘Everybody’ off of iTunes. And now I own just about everything she’s ever recorded.
What is your favourite song by 4?
Either “Yellow Bird” or “Favorite Day.”
How many times have you seen 9 live?
Never. Damn.
What is a good memory concerning 10?
The other day, my friend and I were discussing how she basically falls off the face of the planet after she produces an album because you never hear from her. Then a few days after that, I got on Twitter and there was an update from her, and I was really excited.
Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
I don’t think any of them make me sad, but they all make me super nostalgic, because they were introduced to me over the summer by a few of my friends who’ve gone off to college. So whenever I listen to The Wombats, it makes me think of all the times I’ve listened to them with them, and what each of their songs means to them.
What is your favourite song of 1?
It changes constantly. Right now it’s either “Let the Rain” or “Bluebird.” Both of them are off her new CD. SO GOOD.
How did you become a fan of 10?
Her song “A Thousand Miles” came out right after my grandma died when I was 9. I just kind of associated it with her, so I automatically loved her. She’s so strange and dark. But I like it.
List 10 artists you like before answering the questions below.
1. Sara Bareilles
2. Idina Menzel
3. Ingrid Michaelson
4. Bess Rogers
5. Allie Moss
6. Jenny Owen Youngs
7. Kate Nash
8. The Wombats
9. Lily Allen
10. Vanessa Carlton
What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Probably “Last Person.” Dear God, I love that song.
What is your favourite song of 8?
"Let’s Dance to Joy Division."
What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
I adore her. I kind of want her to be my big sister. She’s actually the reason why I like Ingrid Michaelson, who is basically who I want to be when I grow up. I was on a huge Sara B. kick when I found “Winter Song,” so I started looking at Ingrid’s stuff, and fell absolutely in love. I love Sara’s lyrics and voice and mad piano skills and her hilarious sense of humor and genuine love for her fans. I love following her on Twitter. She’s adorable. And her new CD is KICK-ASS.
What are your favorite lyrics of 5?
“And I won’t lie to you, love. I’m not okay. I’ve already spent too much time hiding that.”
How many times have you seen 4 live?
Once, actually, but it was before I was in love with her stuff. And it wasn’t actually her. She was with Ingrid, but she was still awesome, especially when she hit her head and everyone laughed.
What is your favorite song by 7?
Probably “Skeleton Song.” It’s so weird and catchy.
Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
Two of them make me cry almost every time I listen to them. “Porcelain Fists” and “Keep Breathing.” They absolutely rip my heart out of my chest.
What is your favorite song by 9?
“The Fear.” I roll all my windows down in my car and blast it and sing along really loudly to it.
When did you first get into 2?
When I discovered ‘Wicked.’ I had this MAJOR ‘Wicked’ phase in 7th and 8th grades. I would literally come home, do homework, and just listen to ‘Wicked’ until I fell asleep. My ‘Wicked’ phase transitioned rather quickly into my ‘Rent’ phase, and I was just like, “Holy shit, I want to be her.” Then her album “I Stand” came out, and I was just completely obsessed with her, and then I saw her in concert and it was amazing.
How did you get into 3?
INGRID MICHAELSON IS MY SOUL TWIN. I first discovered her when “The Way I Am” was in that Old Navy commercial. Then “Far Away” came up on my Pandora, and then I discovered “Winter Song.” Then, in January, I was in Charlotte visiting my grandparents, and I was , for some reason, having a really hard time being away from everybody, and so I started listening to her stuff on YouTube, and I was just completely enamored with it, so as soon as I got home, I went to Best Buy, bought ‘Girls and Boys,’ and ‘Be OK’ and then I got ‘Everybody’ off of iTunes. And now I own just about everything she’s ever recorded.
What is your favourite song by 4?
Either “Yellow Bird” or “Favorite Day.”
How many times have you seen 9 live?
Never. Damn.
What is a good memory concerning 10?
The other day, my friend and I were discussing how she basically falls off the face of the planet after she produces an album because you never hear from her. Then a few days after that, I got on Twitter and there was an update from her, and I was really excited.
Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
I don’t think any of them make me sad, but they all make me super nostalgic, because they were introduced to me over the summer by a few of my friends who’ve gone off to college. So whenever I listen to The Wombats, it makes me think of all the times I’ve listened to them with them, and what each of their songs means to them.
What is your favourite song of 1?
It changes constantly. Right now it’s either “Let the Rain” or “Bluebird.” Both of them are off her new CD. SO GOOD.
How did you become a fan of 10?
Her song “A Thousand Miles” came out right after my grandma died when I was 9. I just kind of associated it with her, so I automatically loved her. She’s so strange and dark. But I like it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Ten Things
It's almost a year later, and it turns out I'm still really bad at this whole blogging thing. Happy September.
Anyway, I saw someone do this on Tumblr earlier, and I thought it was interesting. It is:
Ten Things You Want to Say to Ten Different People!
So, yeah. I'm making a list that I want to say to ten different people, but can't/shouldn't.
1. Are you remotely aware that the world does not revolve entirely around you?
2. Jesus Christ, wear pants.
3. Stop. Listen. Focus. Process. Work with me.
4. No, you can't have my Ingrid Michaelson CDs, because I'm worried that if you take them, you will ruin my favorite artist for me.
5. I cannot talk to you about the future right now.
6. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you're actually a five-year-old in a grown man's body, you asshole.
7. I'm sorry - I'm never going to be good enough for you.
8. If I didn't already love you so much, I would hate you.
9. We're probably more alike than either of us would like to admit.
10. I love you. I miss you.
It's actually kind of fun. Don't try to guess who each of those would be directed to, because you will not get it right. It's for me to know, and you to not find out. Sorry I'm so selfish, but it's just the truth.
Anyway, I saw someone do this on Tumblr earlier, and I thought it was interesting. It is:
Ten Things You Want to Say to Ten Different People!
So, yeah. I'm making a list that I want to say to ten different people, but can't/shouldn't.
1. Are you remotely aware that the world does not revolve entirely around you?
2. Jesus Christ, wear pants.
3. Stop. Listen. Focus. Process. Work with me.
4. No, you can't have my Ingrid Michaelson CDs, because I'm worried that if you take them, you will ruin my favorite artist for me.
5. I cannot talk to you about the future right now.
6. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you're actually a five-year-old in a grown man's body, you asshole.
7. I'm sorry - I'm never going to be good enough for you.
8. If I didn't already love you so much, I would hate you.
9. We're probably more alike than either of us would like to admit.
10. I love you. I miss you.
It's actually kind of fun. Don't try to guess who each of those would be directed to, because you will not get it right. It's for me to know, and you to not find out. Sorry I'm so selfish, but it's just the truth.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Inability
Do you ever have those instances where you're so overwhelmed by everything that you don't know where to begin?
And so you don't, even though there's stuff that needs to be done?
And the guilt of not doing it eats you up and takes over your life, but you're still so overwhelmed that you can't seem to do anything about it?
And there's fear and anxiety and panic accompanied by headaches and lack of sleep and moods that go from bad to worse?
And all you really want to do is the stuff that doesn't matter at the current moment but you can't stop yourself from doing those things?
Yeah. About that...
And so you don't, even though there's stuff that needs to be done?
And the guilt of not doing it eats you up and takes over your life, but you're still so overwhelmed that you can't seem to do anything about it?
And there's fear and anxiety and panic accompanied by headaches and lack of sleep and moods that go from bad to worse?
And all you really want to do is the stuff that doesn't matter at the current moment but you can't stop yourself from doing those things?
Yeah. About that...
Monday, August 2, 2010
Second Chances
I've never really thought of myself as a big believer in second chances. I guess I never really thought about it. I mean, second chances...they're okay. My personal philosophy is that you shouldn't screw up the first time and NEED a second chance, but whatever.
But I guess today was just a day for second chances.
I'll spare you the story about giving the girls I babysit a second chance today at the library. It's not a good story.
Tonight I went to Starbucks. If you know me, you know this is not out of the ordinary for me. I practically live at this particular Starbucks. It's sort of ridiculous, actually. A few months ago, we took to just sitting in this field right next to the plaza where the Starbucks is for hours at a time freaking people out and drinking coffee. Different people have come and gone, but at one time, there were eight of us who would hang out there.
And then something weird happened, and one of the eight broke off. So it was seven. And it was fun, but not like it was in the beginning. You know how when a TV series starts, and then randomly a few seasons later, a different actor is playing one of the characters? It's sort of like that.
But somehow tonight, it ended up being the eight of us again. And it was like nothing ever changed. And half-way through the night, when I realized that that was how life was supposed to be, I realized that it was probably the last time it would ever be like that. Sitting there, talking and laughing and enjoying each other's company, and just being, as that group.
When I first thought that we'd never be like that again, I wasn't ready to say goodbye to those nights. I wanted more. That's what I thought my best memories of summer would be comprised of. I wasn't ready to let go.
Tonight was my second chance to say goodbye to those evenings. I love each and every one of those other seven people more than is imaginable. I love them, I love being with them, I love the way I feel when I'm around them. And while I'm sad that it really is all over, that particular era of our friendship, I'm glad I got the closure. I'm glad it was like that one last time.
But I guess today was just a day for second chances.
I'll spare you the story about giving the girls I babysit a second chance today at the library. It's not a good story.
Tonight I went to Starbucks. If you know me, you know this is not out of the ordinary for me. I practically live at this particular Starbucks. It's sort of ridiculous, actually. A few months ago, we took to just sitting in this field right next to the plaza where the Starbucks is for hours at a time freaking people out and drinking coffee. Different people have come and gone, but at one time, there were eight of us who would hang out there.
And then something weird happened, and one of the eight broke off. So it was seven. And it was fun, but not like it was in the beginning. You know how when a TV series starts, and then randomly a few seasons later, a different actor is playing one of the characters? It's sort of like that.
But somehow tonight, it ended up being the eight of us again. And it was like nothing ever changed. And half-way through the night, when I realized that that was how life was supposed to be, I realized that it was probably the last time it would ever be like that. Sitting there, talking and laughing and enjoying each other's company, and just being, as that group.
When I first thought that we'd never be like that again, I wasn't ready to say goodbye to those nights. I wanted more. That's what I thought my best memories of summer would be comprised of. I wasn't ready to let go.
Tonight was my second chance to say goodbye to those evenings. I love each and every one of those other seven people more than is imaginable. I love them, I love being with them, I love the way I feel when I'm around them. And while I'm sad that it really is all over, that particular era of our friendship, I'm glad I got the closure. I'm glad it was like that one last time.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Editor
I've never really been much good at creating things. I don't have an artistically gifted bone in my body, so works of art are automatically out of the question, I'm not espcially musically talented, I don't build things, I don't cook, I don't bake. I just don't really create. Even when it comes to writing, which has clearly been my thing since I was in second grade, I don't really create well. I have started SO many stories, and never gotten to the end of any of them. I don't think I've ever even reached so much as a middle.
I don't really know that I've ever had an original thought in my life, to be quite honest.
In all honesty, most of my long-term projects are dead in the water before they even begin - it's like they're doomed to failure simply because I was the one who thought them up. They've never really stood a chance. The only stories I write that have any prayer of living are ones I write for newspaper (and the good old Power of the Pen ones), and that's because I have a deadline, and I KNOW they have to be finished.
I hate to admit it, but I'm horrifically bad at finishing what I start.
But I was considering all that, and I realized something. I don't create because I edit. I fix, and tweak, and correct. I am an editor in several senses. The most obvious sense being that I am co-editor in chief of my high school newspaper. I tweak what people have done to make it better and work in conjunction with three other people to make our publication the best it can be. It's about teamwork and collaboration and tweaking what others do.
But when I think about it, I've been editing since before I got that specific title. Think about it. I even consider applying make up to be a form of editing. I take my average face and paint it with colors and powders and all sorts of stuff to edit it and make it prettier. I take what exists and make it better (I hope).
I edit pictures. I use Picnik a lot to do so. I'm not a particularly good photographer, but I'm pretty fair at editing pictures, and I really enjoy doing it. There are at least 220 of my edited photographs up on Facebook, currently. I love taking something that has a life of its own already and giving it a new life as some completely different entity. I love putting words on them. I love playing with the colors. I love making something look vintage-y. I love fixing imperfections.
For years, people have asked me to help edit things they've written, and I could never really understand why. But I think I get it now. I am an editor. I always have been, and suddenly it is so clear - that's what I always will be. Of course. It's always been there. I just never noticied it before.
I don't really know that I've ever had an original thought in my life, to be quite honest.
In all honesty, most of my long-term projects are dead in the water before they even begin - it's like they're doomed to failure simply because I was the one who thought them up. They've never really stood a chance. The only stories I write that have any prayer of living are ones I write for newspaper (and the good old Power of the Pen ones), and that's because I have a deadline, and I KNOW they have to be finished.
I hate to admit it, but I'm horrifically bad at finishing what I start.
But I was considering all that, and I realized something. I don't create because I edit. I fix, and tweak, and correct. I am an editor in several senses. The most obvious sense being that I am co-editor in chief of my high school newspaper. I tweak what people have done to make it better and work in conjunction with three other people to make our publication the best it can be. It's about teamwork and collaboration and tweaking what others do.
But when I think about it, I've been editing since before I got that specific title. Think about it. I even consider applying make up to be a form of editing. I take my average face and paint it with colors and powders and all sorts of stuff to edit it and make it prettier. I take what exists and make it better (I hope).
I edit pictures. I use Picnik a lot to do so. I'm not a particularly good photographer, but I'm pretty fair at editing pictures, and I really enjoy doing it. There are at least 220 of my edited photographs up on Facebook, currently. I love taking something that has a life of its own already and giving it a new life as some completely different entity. I love putting words on them. I love playing with the colors. I love making something look vintage-y. I love fixing imperfections.
For years, people have asked me to help edit things they've written, and I could never really understand why. But I think I get it now. I am an editor. I always have been, and suddenly it is so clear - that's what I always will be. Of course. It's always been there. I just never noticied it before.
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