"It Sucks. But at Least It's Raining."

I used to have this crippling, intense fear of severe weather. It was mostly tornados I was afraid of, and the fear was inexplicable. Nothing terrible had ever happened to me during any kind of storm, and yet even the slightest dark cloud would make my mouth go dry and my palms begin to sweat. Rain scared me. Lightning was terrifying. Thunder was awful. I had to go to a child psychologist for this shit. It was bad.

I think at some point, without really noticing it, I outgrew it. I stopped hiding in my safe closet when there were tornado warnings in neighboring counties. I stopped trying to fall asleep whenever the sky clouded over. It doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't.

I like the rain. The rain is my friend. Sometimes I get upset with the rain when my pants get wet, or my hair gets messed up, or I step into a huge puddle in a parking lot. We have our rough patches, just like any other relationship, but me and rain, we're mostly good. Right now it's thundering too. For all those years I feared it, I find it strangely comforting now. I love trying to sleep through the thunder. I usually don't even mind when it wakes me up in the middle of the night.

There's something wonderful about a thunderstorm. Maybe it's the way the rain seems to wash everything away and give the opportunity for a new start. Maybe it's the way the rain almost always seems to cool off the world. Maybe it's the way the thunder reminds me that there's always something bigger than us. Maybe it's the way the lightning lights up the sky piece by piece. I love the way it gives each corner individual attention. Maybe it's the way thunderstorms seem so violent and scary, but beautiful at the same time. Maybe I'm not quite sure what it is. Maybe it's the mystery of not being able to pinpoint what I like about it.

"I Don't Need a Life That's Normal, That's Way Too Far Away"

Sometimes, I take a look at my friends and realize that I'm the normal one. I don't love them any less. I probably love them more after I think about what they've gone through, what they've done, who they are versus who they used to be and how they've grown.

It's scary. It's scary in more ways than one. It's scary because I never thought of myself as particularly normal. I'm weird. I'm quirky. I'm not boring, or at least I don't think I am. But then I look at the people I love and realize that compared to them, I am SO normal. I am so well-adjusted and adaptable that I'm just so average.

It's scary because I learn things about people that I'd never have imagined were true. For example, some of the most amazing people I know were suicidal at some point in their lives. These are people who make me laugh until I cry, people who are perfectly lovely and thoughtful and honestly some of the best friends you could ever have, people who I cannot imagine not having in my life without wanting to vomit. People who would never appear suicidal.

I have learned so much about some of my friends in the past year or so. Some of them have come out of deeply troubled times, which makes them all the more valuable to me. I love them. I'll never stop loving them. I hope they know that, and selfishly I hope they love me, too.

It's important to value the people you love and to let them know how much you value them. Even more important than what I've learned about certain individuals is that people need to know someone cares. You have to hope the respect they have for you outweighs the disrespect they have for themself and stops them from doing something stupid or dangerous. It's important to listen to people. It's important to listen beyond just the words they're saying and listen to what they really mean. It's important to listen to what they really want you to hear.

There are people who are so wrapped up in their own drama that in all likelihood won't even matter in a few weeks. I have never been one of those people. I've discovered I kind of like being the normal friend. It allows me to listen. It allows me to see people and understand them in different ways. It allows me to love them more. I would be missing so much without them. They have no idea how much they've taught me and how much they've changed me and how much I love them for it. It would be impossible for me to express it, so they can never truly understand. But I do my best.

Don't be afraid to love. Tell someone how you feel. And if you don't have anything to tell, listen.