"I Don't Need a Life That's Normal, That's Way Too Far Away"

Sometimes, I take a look at my friends and realize that I'm the normal one. I don't love them any less. I probably love them more after I think about what they've gone through, what they've done, who they are versus who they used to be and how they've grown.

It's scary. It's scary in more ways than one. It's scary because I never thought of myself as particularly normal. I'm weird. I'm quirky. I'm not boring, or at least I don't think I am. But then I look at the people I love and realize that compared to them, I am SO normal. I am so well-adjusted and adaptable that I'm just so average.

It's scary because I learn things about people that I'd never have imagined were true. For example, some of the most amazing people I know were suicidal at some point in their lives. These are people who make me laugh until I cry, people who are perfectly lovely and thoughtful and honestly some of the best friends you could ever have, people who I cannot imagine not having in my life without wanting to vomit. People who would never appear suicidal.

I have learned so much about some of my friends in the past year or so. Some of them have come out of deeply troubled times, which makes them all the more valuable to me. I love them. I'll never stop loving them. I hope they know that, and selfishly I hope they love me, too.

It's important to value the people you love and to let them know how much you value them. Even more important than what I've learned about certain individuals is that people need to know someone cares. You have to hope the respect they have for you outweighs the disrespect they have for themself and stops them from doing something stupid or dangerous. It's important to listen to people. It's important to listen beyond just the words they're saying and listen to what they really mean. It's important to listen to what they really want you to hear.

There are people who are so wrapped up in their own drama that in all likelihood won't even matter in a few weeks. I have never been one of those people. I've discovered I kind of like being the normal friend. It allows me to listen. It allows me to see people and understand them in different ways. It allows me to love them more. I would be missing so much without them. They have no idea how much they've taught me and how much they've changed me and how much I love them for it. It would be impossible for me to express it, so they can never truly understand. But I do my best.

Don't be afraid to love. Tell someone how you feel. And if you don't have anything to tell, listen.