An Open Letter to my Good Ol' Olympus Camera

Dear Olympus,
I want to start off by telling you that I’m sorry. You need to understand that I never meant to hurt you. But honestly, did you ever think that what we had was real? I don’t think we were ever made for each other.

Sure, we had some good times. And true, you were much more reliable than my old camera, although you sometimes took entirely too long to take a picture. But it’s true that you had the greatest internal memory of any camera I’ve ever met. If it hadn’t been for your marvelous internal memory, I’d have wasted $40 on a memory card a long time ago. You never were able to take adequate video, but I digress.

You were good to me for two years, but it’s over between us. What we had was never real love. Maybe infatuation, but never love. And yes, I would have missed innumerable Kodak moments without you, but truly, you never dazzled me.

I hate to say it because I sound like a whore, but I was really just playing you. That’s the truth. I was biding my time until I could find a new lover. I want to be open and honest with you now, because you certainly deserve that much.

Speaking of honesty, as for the affair, Samsung and I have really only been seeing each other on the side for about a week now. He’s the only other one, though. While we were together, I never once fantasized about another camera, I never pushed another’s buttons, I never even took another picture with one. I have been completely faithful to you up until about a week ago when I saw Samsung looking at me from across the crowded Best Buy. One look at the video of his capabilities, one twinkle of that shiny front LCD screen and I was hooked.

I really am sorry, but Samsung and I were just made for each other. We were meant to be together. We’re in love. He’s good to me, and I’ve promised to never let him schlep around in my purse, for fear of damaging his beauty. We’ve already begun finishing each other’s sentences and he can put snow on whatever picture I want, no matter the season. Never again will I have to try to take my self portrait 12 different times, because his front LCD screen allows for the perfect self portrait every time. And you know how much my friends and I take pictures of ourselves. Really. You may not think it now, but this is best for both of us.

I want the best for you, because over the past two years we have become close. I hope you live a lovely life in retirement because you deserve it after the way I used you. Please know that I will always be there if you need to talk, and I really do feel badly about the way I’ve treated you. You didn’t deserve that, and it’s clear now that I never deserved you.

I honestly hope we can still be friends.

All the best,
Alexa